[vc_row fullwidth="false" attached="false" padding="0" visibility="" animation=""][vc_column border_color="" visibility="" width="1/1"][vc_column_text disable_pattern="true" align="left" margin_bottom="0"]I have this recurring fear. A fear of not fulfilling my responsibilities, my call, my purpose. Suspended in the air as a warning sign, a proverbial conversation bubble over my life, I hear this voice that says, "You better not mess up. You better not miss it. Everyone is counting on you." When I dream, I dream about this fear. It's a fear of not being somewhere that I'm supposed to be. A place that I am expected to arrive on time, to follow-through on a critical mission.
My kids are in trouble and need my help. They call to me and I fight to get to them, but I am unable to reach them. I spend the night moving through obstacle after obstacle, and no matter how hard I try, I can't reach them.
I used to scare the stink out of my wife as I frantically searched the bed trying to find them. Now that they are older, I wake, heart racing, jump out of bed, and check to see that they are still safely in their beds. I kneel down, watch the gentle pulse of their little frames… still breathing.
"Lord, thank you that this isn't real. You have them… You do have them, don't you?"
For some reason, I am prone to grab the reigns of my circumstances and hope that I have a strong enough grip to steer them in the right direction. I feel this way about so many things: my marriage, my children, my work, my relationship with Jesus. The more I struggle to control, the more I realize my helplessness, powerlessness, and complete dependence on Jesus.
We struggle to live in that truth. We spend hours thinking, striving, planning, pushing, pursuing - all to make sure that we are doing everything we can.
Sometimes the church is no help either. While grace is taught in one moment, the other side of the mouth is shoveling out legalism and self-righteousness.
By grace, through faith, but you better get your butt in gear and do something for Jesus!
What's worse is when you have been the perpetrator of such double-speak, it's getting close to Jesus' warning of "making someone stumble." Better to have a stone hung around your neck and thrown into the sea? No thanks.
Regretfully, I've said those words, participated in those lies, led others to that cesspool of self-righteousness. Thank goodness for grace that teaches us patiently (again and again) the ways of Jesus.
So, what's the answer? How do I escape the fear of not being able to "be there." Who will rescue me from myself? How can I loosen my grip?
His voice calls to my heart.
You can't… be there. But I can. I Am. I've got you. I've got your bride, your children. I'm good at this, Chad. Let me do it.
David's words from Psalm 31 are singing to me this morning:
"But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, "You are my God." My times are in your hand."
How about you? What recurring fears trouble you? How has God answered?[/vc_column_text][mk_icon_box2 icon_type="icon" icon_size="64" icon="mk-li-paper-plane" icon_color="#02b3ff" title="Follow Chad's Blog and never miss a post." title_size="24" title_weight="inherit" title_top_padding="10" title_bottom_padding="10" align="center"]